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Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Obama’s Secret Muslim Handshake: Revealed!

Posted by anandrr on September 13, 2009

All along you liberals thought it was just a right-wing canard that Obama was a secret Muslim trying surreptitiously to take away our precious Christianness and convert us all into Meccaward-praying, non-interest-charging, Ramadan-month-long-fasting, oil-drilling, loose-fitting-clothing wearing believers in a different way?

Muslims around the world are rejoicing, and he even gave his likeness to a Quran give-away promotion. He’s obviously planning on starting with converting us multiple-God believing Hindus before he charms his way across America. Found on Airport Road in Bangalore:

Obamas Secret Muslim Handshake

Obama's Secret Muslim Handshake

Posted in Advertising, Funny, wtf | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Arnie Pulls a Kim Jong Il

Posted by anandrr on September 2, 2009

Yet again a foreign state-head with a liking for Hollywood action movies has imprisoned a citizen of the free world on what the victim claims are made-up charges. We tried to send our ex-President to rescue the poor sod, but he was unreasonably frisked and detained at the airport and never made it off the ground. The bastards! They thought of everything. Perhaps we should send Shah Rukh (his name is Khan!) to distract the prison guards with his dancing while Mr Jon sashays away to freedom.

Posted in Airlines, Business, Films, Funny, Showbiz, wtf | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Explaining Humpty Dumpty

Posted by anandrr on August 25, 2009

Today’s Hindu performs yeoman service by explaining to us the meaning of Humpty Dumpty as in the sentence,

The turmoil and discontent in the Bharatiya Janata Party deepened further on Monday as Arun Shourie, senior leader and MP, made an all-out attack on party president Rajnath Singh, calling him “Alice in Blunderland” and describing the party leadership as “Humpty Dumpty.”

Most newspapers would have left that there. Not Neena Vyas. Using that expensive education to good effect, she explains:

The reference to “Humpty Dumpty” was from Through the Looking-Glass, a sequel by Lewis Carroll to Alice in Wonderland. Just as Alice expected Humpty Dumpty to fall at any time, in the BJP, almost at all levels, leaders are expecting the “fall” of Mr. Rajnath Singh, whose tenure comes to an end in January 2010.

One might conclude that:

  1. The readers of The Hindu need to be explained references to Humpty Dumpty. They can read a newspaper that casually uses words like “turmoil” and “discontent,” but find themselves stumped with the most elementary nursery rhyme reference
  2. Neena Vyas used the most elementary trick in the high school student’s book  of filling up the paragraphs when on deadline.

One wonders why she didn’t go on to tell us that Mr Shourie smiled like a Cheshire cat throughout the interview.

Posted in Funny, Media, Newspapers | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

New Yorker Moment of Zen

Posted by anandrr on June 3, 2009

How better to ensure that your quote gets published in the New Yorker than, 6 months after the end of the Bush administration, to get a random dig in about him? Elizabeth Kolbert writes about the mass extinction of animals around us and is talking to Al Hicks about what was happening to bats in the northeast US:

… dead bats everywhere … animals looked as if they had been dunked … in talcum powder … [sent] the photographs to … bat specialists … [n]one of them could explain it…

So far so good. But then Al Hicks gets into gear, almost immediately:

“We were thinking, Oh boy we hope this just goes away,” he told me, “It was like the Bush administration. And, like the Bush administration, it just wouldn’t go away”

What the hell? I hated the Bush administration as much as the next guy, but isn’t it a little late to be getting in gratuitous digs? But all that aside, I do highly recommend the article itself, like every Kolbert article in recent memory, she does a wonderful job of writing about the very real impact that humans have, inadvertently or otherwise, on the ecology around us. Unfortunately online access to the article for subscribers only, the rest of you have to buy the paper version or ask a friend for a photocopy.

Of course, if, like some people I know, you hate the New Yorker length essays and would rather read the Economist’s shorter edition just wait another 50 years or so at which point all the extinction will raise them out of their conservative slumber and write a quick page and a half wringing their hands about the situation and decrying the absence of free market rhetoric in the proposed solutions. Mission Accomplished!

Posted in Funny, Uncategorized, wtf | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

AM Radio Moment of Zen

Posted by anandrr on June 2, 2009

Every now and then, I have what Jon Stewart terms a moment of zen. Herewith the first in an occasional series. This was heard on my local right-wing AM radio station on my drive home yesterday. Paraphrasing:

You know that previous caller who compared Dr Tiller’s murder with Muslims killing our soldiers…he needs to realize that Dr Tiller was going to hell anyway whereas many of the soldiers are not, so there’s a real difference there.

One can only imagine Johnnie Cochran tweeting:

If the victim had a date with Say-tan

You must acquit this man.

Posted in Funny, wtf | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Like A Rock

Posted by anandrr on May 11, 2009

Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time

— Madonna, Like a Virgin

Mr Pink: “Like a Virgin” is all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The whole song is a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr Blue: No it’s not. It’s about a girl who is very vulnerable and she’s been fucked over a few times. Then she meets some guy who’s really sensitive–
Mr Pink: –Whoa…whoa…time out Greenbay. Tell that bullshit to the tourists.
Joe: (looking through his address book) Toby…who the fuck is Toby? Toby…Toby…think…think…think…
Mr Pink: It’s not about a nice girl who meets a sensitive boy. Now granted that’s what “True Blue” is about, no argument about that.
Mr Orange: Which one is “True Blue?”
Nice Guy Eddie: You don’t remember “True Blue?” That was a big ass hit for Madonna. Shit, I don’t even follow this Tops In Pops shit, and I’ve at least heard of “True Blue.”
Mr Orange: Look, asshole, I didn’t say I ain’t heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world’s biggest Madonna fan.
Mr Brown: I hate Madonna.
Mr Blue: I like her early stuff. You know, “Lucky Star,” “Borderline” – but once she got into her “Papa Don’t Preach” phase, I don’t know, I tuned out.
Mr Pink: Hey, fuck all that, I’m making a point here. You’re gonna make me lose my train of thought.
Joe: Oh fuck, Toby’s that little china girl.
Mr White: What’s that?
Joe: I found this old address book in a jacket I ain’t worn in a coon’s age. Toby what? What the fuck was her last name?
Mr Pink: Where was I?
Mr Orange: You said “True Blue” was about a nice girl who finds a sensitive fella. But “Like a Virgin” was a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr Pink: Let me tell ya what “Like a Virgin”‘s about. It’s about some cooze who’s a regular fuck machine. I mean all the time, morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr Blue: How many dicks was that?
Mr White: A lot.
Mr Pink: Then one day she meets a John Holmes motherfucker, and it’s like, whoa baby. This mother fucker’s like Charles Bronson in “The Great Escape.” He’s diggin tunnels. Now she’s gettin this serious dick action, she’s feelin something she ain’t felt since forever. Pain.
Joe: Chew? Toby Chew? No.
Mr Pink: It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn’t hurt. Her pussy should be Bubble-Yum by now. But when this cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts like the first time. The pain is reminding a fuck machine what is was like to be a virgin. Hence, “Like a Virgin.”

— Opening Scene, Reservoir Dogs

I was doing a brief tour of Indian mythology the other day and was reminded of the story of Ahalya. Ahalya, wife of Gautama the rishi, was supposedly the most beautiful woman of her time (hence the name). But presumably not entirely happy with her relationship with a mere rishi, she promptly fell for the seductions of Lord Indra, the chief of the Devas. Gautama on his discovery of this infidelity, got so enraged he turned Ahalya into a rock, and cursed Indra to have a thousand vaginas all over his body. Ahalya was released from her curse when Lord Rama stumbled on her during his teenage expedition with his brother Laxmana and the sage Vishwamitra.

As I was thinking of this story, the arc of Ahalya from promiscuity to frigidity and then back to life on being touched by Lord Rama, the curse of Indra to be covered by a thousand vaginas (for some reason I had once thought a thousand penises, which gives “Dick, dick, dick, dick…” a whole new meaning) all of this indicates to me that perhaps Quentin Tarantino missed the real meaning of Like a Virgin.

Posted in Culture, Films, Funny, Sexuality, Showbiz | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Frederick Forsyth on the Unpleasantness in Guinea-Bissau

Posted by anandrr on March 3, 2009

Thanks to a happy concatenation of circumstances, I was in the car today when the BBC was talking about all the recent unpleasantness in Guinea-Bissau1. And who should they have found to talk about it but Frederick Forsyth who just happened to be visiting there on the day of the coup. This led to the best foreign-journalist reporting that I’ve ever heard on the radio. I recorded it for posterity and archived it off here. It’s equal parts wordsmith talking about the events, for instance,

As [the General] sat down at his desk, someone with a doohickey pressed the appropriate button and a bomb went off, creating out of the general, an ex-general.

and also traditional British stiff upper-lip:

I was due to fly out tomorrow afternoon, and I rather think they’re going to keep the airport closed which is very inconvenient.

Listen to the whole thing of course, it’s rife with entertainment as he talks about the President that would not die and the forensic pathologist in charge who helped him piece it together and on and on.

————–

Fn 1: For those who do not wish to click through and read it all, the President of Guinea Bissau had the General of his Army killed,  the Army not taking too kindly to this interference had their President killed right back and now the country is without a President as well as a General. All quite unfortunate of course.

Posted in Army, Foreign Policy, Funny, Literature, Politics, Sports, wtf | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Oscars and the Matthew Effect

Posted by anandrr on February 23, 2009

Anand (Sr) writes about the Matthew Effect and the Oscars. To which we say:

  • Of course the Matthew Effect is dominant. Oscar nominations are a function of PR and lobbying more than anything else,  the marginal PR required for the ninth nom is much less than the marginal PR for the first.
  • Some noms make no sense at all. Button for editing? One imagines even the Academy is somewhat unsure what they are honoring. Or perhaps they think a consolation prize is in order so they nominate it anyway.
  • Winning an Oscar is all about being in the right place at the right time, so yes the Matthew Effect must dominate again. You have to find the right combination of Hollywood liberal guilt, Hollywood elitist condescension, and Hollywood self-preening and then make it work in your movie’s favor. If all of those are pointing in your direction, you win. (Sean Penn just had to win last night, or else who else could lecture all of us for voting against Prop. 8 last year? If Frost/Nixon had been nominated last year, it would have been a lock for many Oscars, perfect opportunity for Hollywood to tell us all how to vote in the upcoming general, but now that the great Hope and Changer has been elected in, its time is past.)

Final semantic consideration: who knew that “the rich getting richer” effect had such a good name and what’s more that the Matthew in question is the Matthew of the Bible specifically endorsing such unequal outcomes? This raises a theological question:

And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.  — Matthew 19:24

For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. — Matthew 25:29

One surmises that the kingdom of God is not all that it is cracked up to be, or that between 19 and 25, Matthew went from being a commie to an unrepentant capitalist. Perhaps Ayn Rand had made an appearance as understudy prophet. One imagines Matthew 31 being all about the subprime debacle that followed.

Posted in Capitalism, Communism, Culture, Economics, Films, Funny, Media, Philosophy, Showbiz | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

What Would Adolf Think?

Posted by anandrr on December 9, 2008

I’m not much into cameras, and couldn’t tell a D3X from an F2 and wasn’t even sure whether my own camera was a Canon or a Nikon till I checked. But this is bloody hilarious.

And just last night I was transfixed by the movie. One thing that stood out yesterday, but I don’t remember from the first time I watched it (maybe I’ve just forgotten), is how the camera shakes every time a shell explodes. Even on TV it’s effective.

Posted in Advertising, Films, Funny, Media, Timeout | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Mumbai Slum Fantasy, Terror Attack, What’s the Difference

Posted by anandrr on November 28, 2008

Just noticed that one of the links to my blog is from a post about the Mumbai Terror Attack. It’s a link generated automatically by WordPress based on the content of the blog or something. And it’s to my review of Slumdog Millionaire. Really! What could be more apropos to a story about a dead Greek millionaire in Mumbai?

rambling geek post about dead greek millionaire in mumbai

Posted in Funny, Geek Talk, wtf | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »